Question Everything
The Power of Curiosity
Dear friends,
When my oldest daughter was in elementary school she struggled with reading. She was humiliated by the experience of being pulled out of the classroom for extra support and being labeled as a slow reader. There were many tears in second and third grade.
This post could easily be about the many ways our childhood anguish shows up in our leadership decisions (which so many of my clients think belongs in the realm of “therapy” but it’s so relevant). But today I want to go in another direction.
When we found an enlightened eye doctor who discovered a suite of eye motor dysfunctions, everything changed. This kind doctor asked her this life-changing question, “When you look at a page of words, what do you see?” My daughter said she saw the equivalent of corn popping in a pan: words jumping all over the place. The tears overwhelmed me as I heard her words.
For weeks after that I was incessant with my questions, questioning everything: “When you look at that tree, what do you see?”, “When you pet that dog, what do you feel?”, “When you eat these carrots, what do you taste?” On and on, unwilling to assume anything about the experiences they were having.
They grew tired of it and I wish I could tell you that the experience left me with profound permission to question everything in my professional life. But it didn’t. Soon I was back to the assumptions that might be the ruin for the human condition -
The assumption that the experience I’m having in this world is similar to yours;
The assumption that we should already know the answer given the job we have; and
The assumption that some questions are out of bounds.
In my post titled When The Conversation Comes Too Late I made a similar point by saying that “[t]he most tragic thing I hear clients say is some version of ‘I never figured out why X did what they did’. My next question is always, what kept you from asking? Some questions are indeed out of bounds, but far, far fewer than we all assume. If you’re uncertain you could always start with, “May I ask a [personal, unusual, unconventional…] question?” Your listener can always say no.
This morning I was listening to the news. The headlines on any given day underscore this very point about what happens when leaders are unwilling to question, challenge and stress-test what they believe. Don’t be a leader that acts from your instinct and please, don’t believe everything you think.
"Thought is not reality; yet it is through thought that our realities are created.” Joseph Nguyen
That same daughter is a thriving, successful English teacher who just provided me with this most fabulous distraction. If you’ve missed these newsletters recently, this is why.
Wishing you all the best,
Betsey